Things That I Find Romantic

Most people will think the word 'romantic' as an adjective. Well, it is. And if it is described as a noun, you will get words like 'flowers', 'chocolates', 'large teddy bear', 'hugs and kisses', 'candlelit dinner', or a simple awful stuff like 'matching mugs'. Maybe it's just my style of relationships, but I don't find those things as close as the word 'romantic'. I don't even text good mornings or good nights, or asking what's up, To me, romantic is the ideal view on how I see life, finding that secret things that make me feel...romantic. Sure, it may or may not involve sentimental acts and I'm not saying I'm not romantic. Scorpios are born to be peculiarly romantic, whether it is toward a living breathing thing or merely a simple cup they bought during Euro 2004. 

So, I made my own list of things that I find romantic, in my own way. The first 10 is my first discover, and I wrote them down on my notebook back in 2012.

1. Rows of empty seats in a stadium or cinema, alone or with someone to talk about the universe.
2. A nice 80s songs playlist that makes me want to date 80s Kevin Bacon.
3. Ice skating before 10 am, or right after the ice is cleaned.
4. Extending hand to touch the rainfall, in moving vehicles.
5. Dimly lit bedroom and earthy scent candles.
6. Galleries and museums. Just because.
7. Making a playlist/mixtape for someone. In emotional orders.
8. How alarm works to wake me up early in the morning.
9. Socks that match perfectly (and look good) with my old shoes.
10. The process of mixing three or more paints to create that exact one colour.
11. Have someone doodling on your skin using black sharpies.
12. That one barista who remembers I don't drink coffee.
13. Watching films that mostly come with great soundtracks, peculiar relationships, beautiful cinematography and cool shoes, projected to bedroom ceiling.
14. Knowing someone recalls lines from Lord of the Rings, and prefers Glorfindel to carry Frodo instead of Arwen in the film, just like in the book.
15. People who still use old phones (like me).
16. The process of adjusting camera zoom lens to capture the image, and the sound of shutter release button on cameras.
17. A road trip out of the city. Stopping by small towns that barely know what a hoverboard is.
18. Finding songs that have lyrics as if they were written for you.
19. Walking into secondhand bookstores/record stores.
20. My iPod. Always have the perfect shuffle based on my moods.
21. Fresh physical music albums that I just bought.
22. Busy people in subways.
23. Meaningful raps with powerful voices.
24. Alleys and small insignificant roads, under sunlight or slight snow.
25. Have someone covering you a blanket when you're asleep.
26. Long hot showers. Alone. With my shower playlist.
27. The airports. I don't know, I just love seeing busy people here and there out and about.
28. Over-sized clothing. It feels like it's not mine but it's mine or it's mine but it isn't. And the empty areas that doesn't even touch your skin.
29. My grandfather's old film cameras that he used to bring around, which still have the payment receipts back in late 80s to early 90s, and its boxes along with the manual.
30. Printed photos (or polaroids) with handwritten side notes behind/on them.
31. Bookmarks that are not exactly bookmarks (receipts, mini flyers, post-its, etc.).
32. Shoulder kisses.
33. When someone holds the door for you.
34. How disco ball reflects an empty dark room, with Lana Del Rey songs in the background.
35. House furniture, covered in white in a lifeless room.
36. Ice lollies in front of ferris wheel in summer nights.
37. When someone apologize first before you even notice what they have done wrong.
38. How each houses or families have different scents. Not the laundry, not the foods, it just feels different every visits.
39. Side notes left on old books. Curious as to what kind of pen they used, what was the weather like, what was it like to not have a mobile phone. Or did they even read the message.
40. When someone makes a tea for you. On a bad day.
41. Handwritten letters.
42. How Anakin wants to be perfect and powerful so he can protect everyone he loves and not being weak to the extent that even if he has to turn into darkness and become Vader.
43. White sheets, socks, cereal in bed, and cartoon marathons. My preferences are We Bare Bears, Futurama, Totally Spies, Kim Possible, Adventure Time, Regular Show, Scooby Doo, Flintstones ...I'm just a Cartoon Network trash, ain't I?
44. Observing snacks and drinks in convenient stores. I don't snack regularly.
45. A room with open windows and warm sunlight shines through, then lay my head on an empty table, extending my hand to bathe in sunlight. I can see the dust flying around but it's okay.
46. Walking alone inside supermarkets with that certain playlist. Or audio books. 
47. When someone gives you their raincoat bottoms in a rainy storm, just because I only wear a raincoat tops.
48. The memory of someone's laughter. How they laugh, what were they laughing about, when were they laugh like that.
49. That smile between kisses. You don't see it, you feel it.
50. That small hotel room near Gare du Nord; that small room in Yujin and Christopher's house that has a view to Namsan tower; that hotel room in London when I had a cold; that cute express hotel in Rotterdam which includes breakfast with variety of cheese where I can get extra soy milk from the kitchen; that apartment in Nanterre which will be flocked by birds when I cook, and its Sunday morning grocery market cheaper than in Paris; that hotel in Houston which have Starbucks as their free service; and that super small room in Kyoto where I almost died out of coldness.

Musicality

So I randomly came across to this web and challenged myself for those not-so-special compatibility test. It's personality based on music taste, like what I'm listening to, what kind of preferences I like. It's one of those average tests that lets you choose between options but the weight of your results actually lies behind every options. And truth be told, I'm pretty much skeptical about these kinds of tests. But since it's about music, I'm in.

The results are interesting. And surprisingly, they're mostly right about my personality. I'm mostly categorized as a liberal person, enjoy fine arts and indie/foreign films, and a creative person.

It's quite fun. Try it out here yourself if you haven't.

And as you can see, I enjoy rap and hip-hop a lot haha. I find something calming in raps, not the other way round. Folk music or jazz indeed have these vibes that makes you feel relaxed, like your problems are postponed within the hour. On the contrary to what I feel, rap/hip hop music always have strong lyrics and rappers have their own rhythms and pitches, like somehow I feel special listening to what kind of message they're trying to send across. I know you might not understand what I'm talking about, but it feels like that to me. I'm blessed with sharp ears, so I can distinct various voices if I have listened to them enough. And just like that, I can differ many rappers' voices.

Rock music will always be a part of my musical genre history. I started to like boybands when I was 5 or 6, I remembered getting two copies of Westlife albums. But when I turned 10, especially when I start to learn classical guitar, I found instruments were interesting. I remember finding Arctic Monkeys before they get super famous, before they even released their debut album. Then there were Panic at The Disco, Orson, The Servant, Franz Ferdinand, a lot more, they were in my playlist (I didn't have an iPod, instead I had this red music player with a small screen, which Dad got me from Germany if I'm not mistaken). Back when people were not used to with social media profiles, I used Myspace regularly to find new artists or just for new updates. Things like Spotify wasn't a thing back then, so I usually bought the physical albums. Mostly in cassettes, I was a 13 year old students so I had no money to buy the CD version. I carried my Sony walkman to school. It took an hour journey to go to school so I always listened to music, one artist per day. The old feeling of rewinding the tapes when you're done with one side, is hard to explain. Due to excessive listening to loud music, my eardrums were infected. It was a fun memory. Except that I got told off a lot. 

Now my musical genres are getting more varied, but I still use my old boombox to play cassettes and CDs. I subscribe to Spotify premium as well, but there's just something about collecting physical albums. My collections are not that much but they're all my selected favourites, based on the albums's songs and the albums' art. I like the feeling that I collect music but also collecting the art of the album itself. Okay, that would be all. Didn't realise I wrote this much. Have a good day!

London 2012: A Throwback

Summer 2012. Euro, bits of the Olympics, and rain *sigh*
I took my Yashica out too much and here they are. Have uploaded some on Flickr.

여행 가고싶다 ㅠㅠ

Click to see more photos.

Longing

I like to find myself enjoying the atmosphere of coffee shops. The freshly brewed coffee, even if I don't understand which type of beans it is, I find it calming.

And I don't drink coffee.

But I understand how they make each drinks special. What's more funny, that some people actually guess 'barista' as my occupation. They say I look like one and have this vibe that I need caffeine shots everyday all day. When the truth is, I will have bloated abdomen for days if I drink a tall cup of iced Americano.

And that's okay.

There's something about being in a coffee shop. Even if it just for a cup of London fog, or just that calming hot chocolate in rainy days. I can sit and draw or read all day. If I were to have a companion, I would talk for hours.

I feel like I'm always welcomed there.

That small coffee shop by the corner of the street, of an old owner who used to live upstairs. Or that coffee shop I randomly walked past to seek solace from the heavy showers in April. Or that coffee shop with this crooked nose barista, who looks intimidating but remembers how I drink the blended coffee drink without the coffee.

Or that one by far behind that museum in November; a guy was reading Of Mice and Men and he said it was his thrice, that he was confused if he's in love with Lennie's character or he was just bored with other books.

Even if that annoying barista girl made me the wrong order and put coffee in it, I will still feel welcomed.

I like to find myself enjoying the atmosphere of coffee shops.

Or am I just in love with observing people revolving around it?

I will think this through a cup of Earl Grey.

Hmm. Okay.

Firstly, I didn't want to put this blog on a hiatus or anything. I'm just being too occupied with college. Not because I'm a good student, more like I-have-to-get-out-of-this-shit-so-end-it-up-fast-dumbass. I just want everything to be ended so I need to work my ass off. There's a lot to write, believe me. And not being able to write it down nicely is such a pain.

Mainly I write because maybe someday this illness I have in me to forget things will help me reminisce. Or contemplate. Both mum and dad don't know that I'm starting to forget things easily. I know I'm not much of a religious person, but i think god made people equally blessed. My kinetics are doing very well. Everyday I have to write down everything, from college to take a shower, and my right-hand will memorize where it wrote so when I completely forget, I just sit near my schedule book and my right-hand will find what it wrote. Isn't it brilliant? I never take this forgetful-issue as a big issue. I can still remember what people do, memorize a friend's phone number, or even old friends' birthdays. I used to be a memorize game champion back in middle school. I got into TV news with my middle school geeky look of glasses with strings. My mnemonic ability isn't going very well too. Though at times I can still know what's missing inside my bag, sometimes I can't remember anything. At times I'm just ha-ha laughing to this forgetful-issue of mine. It isn't a normal forgetful-issue like some dumb girls do, more like Alzheimer but not much like that. Just right in the middle. So every now and then if I'm about to spill important words, I don't speech it out, I write. I even fight with my boyfriend via emails. Cause mostly after an hour I will forget what I did and I just have to constantly read. But I don't need to be pitied of. It's just something normal to me, normal to what happened to my brain. Really, I mean it. Don't need your sympathy.

Oh.
And my Korean is doing very well. I now read manhwa (Korean word for manga) in hangul. In other languages I usually read comics like super fast I only slow down when a character is well-drawn. SO does happen to this manhwa thing. And it starts to hurt my eyes. I'm getting a new pair of  prescription glasses haha. Other than that, my Korean dictionary is piling up so fast (thank you variety shows). It's not that I'm a Korean shows freak (well, more like a multifandom risk), it's just so fun watching these random shows with random jokes that are obviously at the same humour level as mine. After a while, watching normal English-speaking tv shows sounds....odd. I randomly watched Devious Maids (okay, not random, I just need to know Rosie's hot husband), and they sound so weird like I have to fill my thirst of listening to Korean people talking. Well maybe I'm a wee bit obsessed but they have that level of fun I would like to have. With cute guys as extras. Yeah.

Though this is not well-written, and I wonder if someone is actually reading this, but I like the feeling of posting a blogpost. I want to write a lot in the next few months. I have explored new places and that needs to be posted. And a lot of film rolls to be developed.

Good day,
wherever you are!

99

Found it in some random tumblr posts and I'm bored so here it goes.

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
Teenage Crime - Adrian Lux
Cartographist - Purity Ring
Echoes of Mine - M83
Lucky Ones - Lana Del Rey
White Flags - Our Lady Peace
Electricityscape - The Strokes

2. If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
Let's see.....Serge, Franco, Fassbender. That sould do.

3. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
"When he breathes in and out, it's like he's exhaling the essence of his marrow,...." from the book Zombies vs Unicorns.

4. What do you think about most?
A nice house I can have it my way and open a line of toys and accessories.

5. What does your latest text message from someone else say?
Some credit card offer.

6. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
Mostly with clothes on, but at times I do sleep without clothes.

7. What's your strangest talent?
Every talents I have are indeed strange. I can bend my thumbs backwards, I can fall asleep in the middle of conversations, I can read people eyes, and my linguistic intuition.

8. Girls... (finish the sentence): Boys... (finish the sentence)
Girls gossip. Boys talk.

9. Ever had a poem or song written about you?
No idea.

10. When is the last time you played the air guitar?
.........................barely remember.

11. Do you have any strange phobias?
Yep, I have phobia of creatures with shells like clams, mussels, oysters, blah blah, and I am petrified if I am faced with bottomless deep waters

12. Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
Do blemishes count as foreign objects?

13. What's your religion?
I believe in God.

14. If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
Walk (?)

15. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
Behind.

16. Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
Kasabian.

17. What was the last lie you told?
That I'm 10 years old just so I can play at moshimonsters.com.

18. Do you believe in karma?
I guess so.

19. What does your URL mean?
I was listening to Mutemath and the next song was Metric's so I married two of them into Mathemetric.

20. What is your greatest weakness and strength?
Weakness......selfish bitch? Strength is my smart brain and I'm not saying academically.

21. Who is your celebrity crush?
James Franco Forever.

April -- Fourth May -- Saturdays

Not much to say, pretty much few thoughts on what's on my mind. Mostly did on Saturdays, that answers the title.

Recently I often got stoned in front of my laptop. I haven't figured out yet what caused this but pretty much an issue. Laptop's on and I just sit there -- doing nothing. Brain seizures for me is a common and normal thing to be happened, but usually it never occur before that I realize what I'm doing. When I do get brain seizures, I clearly don't know what's happening around -- and this is different. Even my eyes can't focused. I ran away from my therapies few years ago and surely neurologists are the last person I want to ask my problems to. I dislike being put on wires all over my head, it makes my hair ugly -- like a real sickperson.

April has been a tough month. All I can say is that this month only has 30 days but it feels like forever. Like May will never come. I need my monthly cash.

Within 6 weeks I will be in London --yay to that-- and within 4 weeks I will be in Bali for a few days for this Diving Exam -- yeah you bet. I don't know whether I should protect my skin from the sun as if I spend days in somewhere pretty much near to the equator and then I have to be in somewhere the sun never strokes that much. Well, that's actually the least problems I can have. Managing the trunks is the main problem -- I'm the worst when it comes to packing or unpacking.

I'm enjoying painting again around these past few months. Really makes me happy though I have to spend more cash on buying new brushes.

I need to be patient on developing the film in my fujica. It's that I'm having this kind of a project on my own, that I only take picture with that camera on Saturdays. So, as this post is typed down, it still has few more moments to be captured. Will do post the pictures as soon as I have the film developed -- and scanned, as well.

I took the class of Journalism of Science and Technology and the final exam is to write an art/technology/design/science -based article. The idea is to submit the article to a printed media such papers or magazines. Call me crazy but I think I will write about Yayoi Kusama's 9th decade exhibition at Tate (don't blame me, she's the second name came out on my mind if you mention Andy Warhol, they're friends, you know). Not to mention, I don't know where to submit mine. Surely newspapers are not made for my terrible Indonesian (I'm not really good at it, I know stuffs from its English words -- I learned English first then Indonesian). What excites me the most is that if the article is accepted and will be printed, I will get money. I earn money from something I can do and it feels great (I think). Before, I earned money with my drawings -- I sold Sailor Moon and her friends' pictures (sometimes people got to choose other drawings, boys wanted Power Rangers but I told them it's lame to have Power Rangers drawings when you can get the action figures) - drew and coloured by me, B5 size was around 25 cents and A4 size was 50 cents. I didn't know what to do with the money, I just love the satisfaction of being capable on something that turns into real cash. So, hopefully my article will do get accepted.

Today, May 4th, is my boyfriend's birthday (and Star Wars Day! *John Williams orchestra as backsounds*), I gave him blueberry rainbow cake (basically it's a normal rainbow cake without its literally 'rainbow' but it was a gradation of dark blue to T.O.P.'s light blue hair). The taste was average, the cream cheese saved the cake. I bought one because I'm too lazy to bake anything at the moment, and if I weren't lazy, probably would only bake nothing more than a half dozen of cupcakes, or macaroon-like thin sandwiches with fudge-fillings. I envy my boyfriend so much, he has a lot of great friends that remembers his birthday, unlike me. Never in my life I've been pranked on my birthday. Maybe not that much people really cares -- except the fact that I don't buy lies and diversions. It's fine anyway, I'm not even sad.

*supposedly I want to put a picture of me with a happy birthday sign for my boyfriend, but my webcam crashed and no idea what happened*

2012

My first post in 2012, fuuh *exhales*. By the way, do you read it twenty-twelve or two thousand twelve? Guess I'll go with the twenty-twelve, sounds futuristic. To be honest, I'm not really into celebrating NYE. I don't see the point where you get to see the countdown and then suddenly you're hugging each other......it's awkward, totally awkward. Why do you hug people at midnight just because a year's passing by? It's a total weirdness. I spent the midnight making charm bracelets and gotten very jumpy because of my neighbours' fireworks and firecrackers. And this is one of my first world problems. Who's the first to introduce celebrating NYE with fireworks or firecrackers? To light up the night on the changing day? Can't we just use that big Batman spot-lamp and put on words like 'Hey It's 2012 Already, No Fireworks For This Year, Yay!'? Well, forgive my rants, it's just I hate the voice of both fireworks and firecrackers. Annoying and makes me having mini heart-attack.

2011 has been a year full of excitements. New encounters, new experiences, new personality, and the best yet: new love interest. Mott left me at the first quarter of this year (slightly forgot when it was, around February or March, I believe), it was huge. That time I couldn't believe my best yet imaginary friend left me. His last words were as if I was about to have a substitute. "I'm leaving, you take good care. You'll get my help through someone you'll believe I exist in them. Goodbye. Promise I'll visit you in your dreams. Like my red hair, don't you?" It was around the mid-day, at campus. Totally ripped my heart and soul. He's a friend of almost 15 years. Even no real friends has ever reached that number. And his leaving was what matters the most. I got lost for a while. The first four months were such a nightmare. I couldn't control what I saw, plenty of immense encounters with those spiritual things, and well, my head went a bit crazy. Spaced out most of the time. Couldn't help it. A total ruin.

Second quarter of the year. I had few trips to few cities. Even got myself in three different cities on one day and I traveled alone (not to be mentioned, 2 hours alone in the airport). I brought three books and one was halfway near the end when I read during flights, not wanting any chats. Didn't finish the books though, road-trip at nights are such a turn-off. I only can listen to iPod, can't read, such a shame. More valuable memory on this second quarter is that I made this blog in June. Didn't write much, too much work to do that involved real writing, with pens. Also, in July, I met someone, no idea he'll make a great impact on me. I call it: The Encounter of Luck. No feelings were added up to this encounter.............until gravity gave it to me. And then we go to the next quarter: the last and the third quarter of the year. Most favorite time of the year? These last four months, f'course. Got myself a boyfriend in October, who knew that I found a love interest, right? Proud to say that my last cigarettes were on August. I used to smoke 6 cigs a day (in average) and today I'm tobacco-nicotine-free for, well, 4 months and still counting.

2011 was a big year. So to speak.

Everything is new in 2012. New glasses. New interests. New friends and acquaintances. New literature.
New life without Mott.
New life with Juno.


PS: I can't stop watching this video here and just left him talking. It helps me sleep well. Can I get overdose from listening to his voice over and over again? Also, I made that picture above using paint, made the 2012 myself, great hand. And this massive head-ache kills me, tho.

more likely

I just got by this term all of the sudden, "if you want people to appreciate your events, you have to appreciate theirs as well." For few events that I had organized, I didn't, for an inch, appreciate my events. I totally feel like a slut. I mean, I have an issue on commitments (of things, not relationships), that I don't think that I should get attached to something that binds me. But something tells me, I have to appreciate it whether I like it or not (well, at least I meet great people.) I just don't get it why should I do that, I mean, I'm doing it for other people, not for myself. I even only get birthday surprise once in my life, when my friends had to care for each other for this 'osjur' thing (sorry, but it seems you guys appeared to be like that to me, you don't care that much about me, do you? More likely you care for the treats I gave.) So, why do I have to care if the events were not made for me? To be honest, accepting the job to organize events, I just want to get busy, and meet new people, creating networks. Well, deep down, I'd really like to be more....approachable. There are times when I just sit there around so many friends, doing nothing, not running into their conversations that I know well what they're talking about, I just don't feel like talking to them explaining everything. Maybe it's because of my commitment issue, that insists me not to trust anyone whose likely to be around temporarily. My friends are temporarily, that's more like it. My bestfriends....not so much to tell. I believe my friends have issues on trusting me. I don't blame them. I don't trust them that much, why should they? I have to fake my kindness and devotions, just to get their attentions that I'm trying not to be a shit on their faces. But it's not working, I believe so. Even when I'm started to organize events just to get busy with other groups of people, I lose my other groups of friends. So, how am I supposed to appreciate other people's events when they don't even count me as a friend? I'm not a social climber, maybe it is, for myself. I once promised myself that I have to be a strong contender for myself, that no one beats me other than me. And now, you know what? Fuck it. Fuck it that I have social issues, fuck it that I have trust issues, fuck it that I have commitment issues, and fuck it that my friends don't even like me for what I am. I just want to keep my friends as they have always been. I just want to have a lot of real friends who know that when I smile I lose my upper lip, that when I panic I scratch my thumbs, or that I don't even like my major. Funny that I trust my Tumblr friend Tina more than my other friends that I have known more than 4 months. I don't wish for Santa to get me a lot of friends, I just hope they appreciate me so I can appreciate others cause the best teacher is experiences, not darned textbooks. Maybe I'm just exaggerating, or maybe I'm just angry. Good day!

future me perfect

i hope that someday the day where i have no worries on my major in college. i want to be in a major of what i can. i don't think life's being hard or sucks or what-so-ever to me, we all know that life's a bitch. it is left to us whether we try to get drown and feel sorry in the future, or we can just turn the other way round. the agony i've felt for 2 years (and now it's entering its third year) is just ripping my mind piece by piece. how i everyday suffer to see those lucky people who can just bring a camera, ipod, some money, a book, and a small journal can survive a week without getting anyone stand out of their ways. i do bring those four favourite objects of mine in my bag (the money aren't counted), but just occasionally. i can't just randomly bring my cameras when there's midterms week. it's better to bring those papers of numbers and words or heavy books than to bring a camera in my bag, it's a matter of surviving. ugh, surviving. lame word. i just want to go to some interesting places, just walk around taking pictures, talking to strangers and listening to their stories, eating ice creams instead of drinking coffees somewhere near a museum. i want that life. i need that life. last year's summer in london was one hell of a leap of faith to me. i remember in high school one of my friends said that i belong to london and when i asked why she answered "i don't know, you just do. i feel like you'll be roaming around in some unknown streets, hopping from pubs to pubs just to watch your favourite bands or probably kasabian showcase somewhere. you just do." and it was nearly true. when i was in london, all i did everyday was walk everywhere. if i got lucky i'll found a fast way to the british museum, or that particular that when the strokes was in camden town and i was a bus away from camden town. i'm not that girlie sweetheart and being alone is an ability that i genuinely like to do. life in london is just too good to be true for me. the morning air of freshly brewed coffees mixed by the smell of cigarettes, plus the wet street of dew. i'm not exaggerating. some people prefer new york is the best city ever. but i don't like that big apple, though sometimes it attracts my eyes so much by how many films were shot around there. for me, london is just a perfect city where i can pretend i'm a girl in a not-so-popular indie band or that-particular-but-not-popular artist. money doesn't matter much. long as i can 'feed' my cameras and buy books or music albums, i'll be just fine. i'm not into shopping, specifically clothes. if it's under the word 'fashion', i'd rather spend my money on those drooling shoes (yeah, i love shoes, blame ferragamo and loubutin, and YSL and jimmie choo and.--okay, that's enough) rather that some ugly tees which is very usual (like you can have it for waaay cheaper price) that worth a month's pocket money. that reminds me of my mom who loves shopping so much i can never define a proper word. she has closets full of clothes and bags (but thanks to her i don't need to go shopping bags, hers are all cute --and she has three colours of balenciaga *screams silently*). to mom, london is just oxford streets. she went there like everyday (believe me i'm not lying). she wanted to shop everyday so i couldn't get a proper time to look down every alleys and streets, and one more thing, she's a paranoid. i was excited when we got lost walking and got in china town. my eyes were busy wandering around but she's nagging me to go as fast as we could. and that answers to why i didn't explore much (plus the fact that i caught a flu for two days --embarrassing, i know). what makes me still want to survive is that somehow i get a picture of me living in a life that totally waaay different from my current life. i get a picture of me bringing those four favourite objects with burden-free. picture above really near to what i've been wanting all along, just replace that fisheye 2 with my yashica, add my precious ipod, a hand sanitizer, a book to read, and voila, a small joy! i get a picture of me doing fun and useful things. i get a picture of me living in london one day, either for another college or work, not really sure, i just get a small shock of happiness by picturing it.

one day. me, four favourite objects, and london.

one day. burden-free.

one day.

judge a book by its cover

judge IF and ONLY IF the book is twilight or some cheap crosswords with girls on the covers or those books that has lines like "create your own money by blabla trump" or "stay healthy with oprah". if other than those terms, don't be hesitant not to judge before you read it. this apply to people. i dislike how people judge others. as a matter of fact, i dislike how people actually judge me. it's like, none of their business, though. i deal with my own life and so do they. probably they don't even know that i used to live in the middle of the rainforest, with rattle snakes under my house, alligators in the river, wolves that wander every night, and orangutans that just love to steal things from people. they don't even know that i used to be a total bully that i may have stabbed your eyes for saying bad things on me. people tend to gossip a lot these days and i wonder if it's even healthy. i prefer to watch those nonsensical videos of annoying orange than to hear what people say about other people. but i'm a girl, i know i can't just walk away from these irrational-yet-fun talks. i listen to it sometimes, just a few. curiosity kills, ain't it? it's only fun if it's turned out to be true, but no fun (at all) if it's called judging. i don't know the reason why people mind other people's businesses, it feels like they're throwing tomatoes on my wall, trying to make it looks ugly. even worse, some people become such smartypants (i like them being called 'pain in the ass' better), they judge the way i see people, specifically guys. they think i'm those rags-to-riches girls that i only like guys with X genes and rich bloods (unless it's james franco). i don't even see how do they appeal on girls. as i said before, i like seeing pretty girls better than seeing cute guys, so cuteness doesn't even matter to me. and those money, they didn't earn it, it's their parents' money. oh yes, life's a crap, then what? you better start to find a better reason of why should i like those type of guys. i don't even have any particular type. if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. i am this peculiar and you people should know that. don't try to judge people, you don't know things they have faced before they meet your very own two eyes.

like i said, only judge if it's twilight, or something that looks like it.

or if they're scriptures, you shall not doubt it. amen.


fuck.