future me perfect

i hope that someday the day where i have no worries on my major in college. i want to be in a major of what i can. i don't think life's being hard or sucks or what-so-ever to me, we all know that life's a bitch. it is left to us whether we try to get drown and feel sorry in the future, or we can just turn the other way round. the agony i've felt for 2 years (and now it's entering its third year) is just ripping my mind piece by piece. how i everyday suffer to see those lucky people who can just bring a camera, ipod, some money, a book, and a small journal can survive a week without getting anyone stand out of their ways. i do bring those four favourite objects of mine in my bag (the money aren't counted), but just occasionally. i can't just randomly bring my cameras when there's midterms week. it's better to bring those papers of numbers and words or heavy books than to bring a camera in my bag, it's a matter of surviving. ugh, surviving. lame word. i just want to go to some interesting places, just walk around taking pictures, talking to strangers and listening to their stories, eating ice creams instead of drinking coffees somewhere near a museum. i want that life. i need that life. last year's summer in london was one hell of a leap of faith to me. i remember in high school one of my friends said that i belong to london and when i asked why she answered "i don't know, you just do. i feel like you'll be roaming around in some unknown streets, hopping from pubs to pubs just to watch your favourite bands or probably kasabian showcase somewhere. you just do." and it was nearly true. when i was in london, all i did everyday was walk everywhere. if i got lucky i'll found a fast way to the british museum, or that particular that when the strokes was in camden town and i was a bus away from camden town. i'm not that girlie sweetheart and being alone is an ability that i genuinely like to do. life in london is just too good to be true for me. the morning air of freshly brewed coffees mixed by the smell of cigarettes, plus the wet street of dew. i'm not exaggerating. some people prefer new york is the best city ever. but i don't like that big apple, though sometimes it attracts my eyes so much by how many films were shot around there. for me, london is just a perfect city where i can pretend i'm a girl in a not-so-popular indie band or that-particular-but-not-popular artist. money doesn't matter much. long as i can 'feed' my cameras and buy books or music albums, i'll be just fine. i'm not into shopping, specifically clothes. if it's under the word 'fashion', i'd rather spend my money on those drooling shoes (yeah, i love shoes, blame ferragamo and loubutin, and YSL and jimmie choo and.--okay, that's enough) rather that some ugly tees which is very usual (like you can have it for waaay cheaper price) that worth a month's pocket money. that reminds me of my mom who loves shopping so much i can never define a proper word. she has closets full of clothes and bags (but thanks to her i don't need to go shopping bags, hers are all cute --and she has three colours of balenciaga *screams silently*). to mom, london is just oxford streets. she went there like everyday (believe me i'm not lying). she wanted to shop everyday so i couldn't get a proper time to look down every alleys and streets, and one more thing, she's a paranoid. i was excited when we got lost walking and got in china town. my eyes were busy wandering around but she's nagging me to go as fast as we could. and that answers to why i didn't explore much (plus the fact that i caught a flu for two days --embarrassing, i know). what makes me still want to survive is that somehow i get a picture of me living in a life that totally waaay different from my current life. i get a picture of me bringing those four favourite objects with burden-free. picture above really near to what i've been wanting all along, just replace that fisheye 2 with my yashica, add my precious ipod, a hand sanitizer, a book to read, and voila, a small joy! i get a picture of me doing fun and useful things. i get a picture of me living in london one day, either for another college or work, not really sure, i just get a small shock of happiness by picturing it.

one day. me, four favourite objects, and london.

one day. burden-free.

one day.

random thoughts

facts on my children when I'm a mom someday:

1. I will nickname my son with Io. Yes, one of the Jupiter's moons.
2. I don't know how will I get it, but I want twins. Girls.
3. I'm going to have cookie cutter in EVERY shape so my children can never get bored opening their lunchboxes which I made for them.
4. Ice creams are foods they can have everyday. In fact, I'm going to accompany them enjoying their ice creams.
5. No video games unless they play with their father. No portable video games as well.
6. My children will never go to a carnival before they are 10 years old. Clowns are bad for a child's psychology.
7. They will have their own playing room. This room is also for taking naps after schools. Inside, i have a recliner which used for me to read the kids.
8. I will never let my children use binky. It'll only makes their teeth out of order and I dislike bad teeth.
9. They will not dating unless their 15 years old.
10. I will make my own bedtime stories book with my own characters and maybe i will make the characters into dolls. but they will still know other books' characters.
11. I'm going to take a lot of pictures of them. And if they get interested with my cameras, I will teach them.
12. Drinking soda is prohibited for my children. They can drink soda but only for once in a week.
13. Their father takes responsibility of their education and safeness, I take responsibility of their happiness and also their youth.
14. Music is also what I take as responsibility. Their father and i will take places to introduce music. Classical music is a must. And other genres, they get to pick what are their favourites by themselves.
15. When it comes to grounding, my options will be: no phones, no video games, no ice creams for 3 days, and watching TV will only be NatGeo and news, and also, they can't get to pick their cookies inside lunchbox.
16. Watching TV can be hard, so I guess I prefer to take them playing out in the park or taking some sports course though they're allowed to watch TV. I will be the one who picks what and what's not to watch.
17. Their father will always tuck them into bed.
18. I'm the one who will pick them from school while their father is the one who drives them to school. No chauffeurs. No maids. No babysitters. Their father and I will raise them by ourselves.
19. Family nights are on fridays, and the kid who finish their dinner first gets to pick what games we shall play or what activities we shall do. Options can be everything, including go to the cinema or play ice-skating.
20. I will prevent my children from having imaginary friends. though I will tell them my stories about mott, I just don't want them to have experiences like me.