London 2012: A Throwback

Summer 2012. Euro, bits of the Olympics, and rain *sigh*
I took my Yashica out too much and here they are. Have uploaded some on Flickr.

여행 가고싶다 ㅠㅠ

Click to see more photos.

Longing

I like to find myself enjoying the atmosphere of coffee shops. The freshly brewed coffee, even if I don't understand which type of beans it is, I find it calming.

And I don't drink coffee.

But I understand how they make each drinks special. What's more funny, that some people actually guess 'barista' as my occupation. They say I look like one and have this vibe that I need caffeine shots everyday all day. When the truth is, I will have bloated abdomen for days if I drink a tall cup of iced Americano.

And that's okay.

There's something about being in a coffee shop. Even if it just for a cup of London fog, or just that calming hot chocolate in rainy days. I can sit and draw or read all day. If I were to have a companion, I would talk for hours.

I feel like I'm always welcomed there.

That small coffee shop by the corner of the street, of an old owner who used to live upstairs. Or that coffee shop I randomly walked past to seek solace from the heavy showers in April. Or that coffee shop with this crooked nose barista, who looks intimidating but remembers how I drink the blended coffee drink without the coffee.

Or that one by far behind that museum in November; a guy was reading Of Mice and Men and he said it was his thrice, that he was confused if he's in love with Lennie's character or he was just bored with other books.

Even if that annoying barista girl made me the wrong order and put coffee in it, I will still feel welcomed.

I like to find myself enjoying the atmosphere of coffee shops.

Or am I just in love with observing people revolving around it?

I will think this through a cup of Earl Grey.

more likely

I just got by this term all of the sudden, "if you want people to appreciate your events, you have to appreciate theirs as well." For few events that I had organized, I didn't, for an inch, appreciate my events. I totally feel like a slut. I mean, I have an issue on commitments (of things, not relationships), that I don't think that I should get attached to something that binds me. But something tells me, I have to appreciate it whether I like it or not (well, at least I meet great people.) I just don't get it why should I do that, I mean, I'm doing it for other people, not for myself. I even only get birthday surprise once in my life, when my friends had to care for each other for this 'osjur' thing (sorry, but it seems you guys appeared to be like that to me, you don't care that much about me, do you? More likely you care for the treats I gave.) So, why do I have to care if the events were not made for me? To be honest, accepting the job to organize events, I just want to get busy, and meet new people, creating networks. Well, deep down, I'd really like to be more....approachable. There are times when I just sit there around so many friends, doing nothing, not running into their conversations that I know well what they're talking about, I just don't feel like talking to them explaining everything. Maybe it's because of my commitment issue, that insists me not to trust anyone whose likely to be around temporarily. My friends are temporarily, that's more like it. My bestfriends....not so much to tell. I believe my friends have issues on trusting me. I don't blame them. I don't trust them that much, why should they? I have to fake my kindness and devotions, just to get their attentions that I'm trying not to be a shit on their faces. But it's not working, I believe so. Even when I'm started to organize events just to get busy with other groups of people, I lose my other groups of friends. So, how am I supposed to appreciate other people's events when they don't even count me as a friend? I'm not a social climber, maybe it is, for myself. I once promised myself that I have to be a strong contender for myself, that no one beats me other than me. And now, you know what? Fuck it. Fuck it that I have social issues, fuck it that I have trust issues, fuck it that I have commitment issues, and fuck it that my friends don't even like me for what I am. I just want to keep my friends as they have always been. I just want to have a lot of real friends who know that when I smile I lose my upper lip, that when I panic I scratch my thumbs, or that I don't even like my major. Funny that I trust my Tumblr friend Tina more than my other friends that I have known more than 4 months. I don't wish for Santa to get me a lot of friends, I just hope they appreciate me so I can appreciate others cause the best teacher is experiences, not darned textbooks. Maybe I'm just exaggerating, or maybe I'm just angry. Good day!

judge a book by its cover

judge IF and ONLY IF the book is twilight or some cheap crosswords with girls on the covers or those books that has lines like "create your own money by blabla trump" or "stay healthy with oprah". if other than those terms, don't be hesitant not to judge before you read it. this apply to people. i dislike how people judge others. as a matter of fact, i dislike how people actually judge me. it's like, none of their business, though. i deal with my own life and so do they. probably they don't even know that i used to live in the middle of the rainforest, with rattle snakes under my house, alligators in the river, wolves that wander every night, and orangutans that just love to steal things from people. they don't even know that i used to be a total bully that i may have stabbed your eyes for saying bad things on me. people tend to gossip a lot these days and i wonder if it's even healthy. i prefer to watch those nonsensical videos of annoying orange than to hear what people say about other people. but i'm a girl, i know i can't just walk away from these irrational-yet-fun talks. i listen to it sometimes, just a few. curiosity kills, ain't it? it's only fun if it's turned out to be true, but no fun (at all) if it's called judging. i don't know the reason why people mind other people's businesses, it feels like they're throwing tomatoes on my wall, trying to make it looks ugly. even worse, some people become such smartypants (i like them being called 'pain in the ass' better), they judge the way i see people, specifically guys. they think i'm those rags-to-riches girls that i only like guys with X genes and rich bloods (unless it's james franco). i don't even see how do they appeal on girls. as i said before, i like seeing pretty girls better than seeing cute guys, so cuteness doesn't even matter to me. and those money, they didn't earn it, it's their parents' money. oh yes, life's a crap, then what? you better start to find a better reason of why should i like those type of guys. i don't even have any particular type. if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. i am this peculiar and you people should know that. don't try to judge people, you don't know things they have faced before they meet your very own two eyes.

like i said, only judge if it's twilight, or something that looks like it.

or if they're scriptures, you shall not doubt it. amen.


fuck.