Romantic

I want to have a Victorian-themed date. Beautiful rooms or chambers with white marble statues and glorious pillars in soft colours. Pretty dresses in roses, preferably in soft pink; or I just wear those one Marie Antoinette wore. Drinking lavender tea. Appetizer: squid tentacles marinated in oyster sauce, served with chopped fresh leeks; other option is chopped salmon and avocado with poached quail egg on top. Main course: rosemary infused dark meat chicken or lamb or quail. Desserts: lavender macaroons and lavender cupcakes, served with pistachio-cheesecake ice cream.

Then I can die peacefully.

dreams

I, uh, just can't get off this weird images going in my mind. Currently I'm doing this computation homework sort of thing and I'm tempted to write about my somewhat-whimsical dreams (how I wish my homework's as easy as writing).


So my first dream is this little girl. she appeared 3 days in-a-row. In my dreams she helped me carrying my flowers (?) and that one of my relatives died in my dreams (this is scary). this girl, I don't know, she was like, quiet and subtle. She didn't say much, she's even expressionless. She had this long dark brown hair, looked like she's 10 or so, and I remember she always wore this soft pink dress with white ribbons and black mary jane shoes with laced white socks. The first day she appeared to be helpful, she helped me with my relatives' funeral and sat still for the whole day. The second day she appeared to be angry at people, she threw foods and I just let the foods scattered everywhere. I didn't scold her, I felt like she needed to be angry. The third day, she.....I don't know how to say it in appropriate words, but she's bleeding, all over her body, and she said something about me forgetting the most important thing about her. I was like, whaaaaat....?? I didn't even know her, how do I recall things I forgot about her? Then she cried in a weird voice, and came out of nowhere, there was this small dagger in my clutch, I was scared of her so I threw the dagger and she disappeared like dusts. Okay, I admit these dreams are one of my nightmares. I still have flashes of images of this girl. I don't know who is she or how did I create such creatures.


Move on to the second dream, it was a hole. Literally a hole. I thought it wasn't me in that dream, I was a spider or an ant or such insects, because I didn't walk or run, I was creeping and crawling on walls near the hole. This hole was perfectly round, with a vertical dark tunnel before it. From afar I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, shone through the hole. But when I crept closer to this hole, no lights were existed. It was a mirror, reflecting the lights from the other side of the tunnel. I tried to punch the mirror for I couldn't breathe with my insect hands, and then the mirror broke. I fell down and I saw........a graveyard, and then I woke up. I don't know how this dream has connection with my life. Never in my life I've been in a graveyard, a beautiful graveyard with lots of statues. I only see it on movies/tv shows/pictures, so that doesn't even count.


And then the last dream was the shortest dream. I was accidentally fallen asleep while texting. I dreamed of a dungeon. In the dungeon, there was this huge troll. It was sitting on a this huge log that looked like someone made it into a set of chairs (so it's probably a sofa-log, haha). I was in front of it, staring and tracing its body with my eyes. But then suddenly it stood up, and it TICKLED me! I swear this one's was scary since I'm an extremely ticklish person. I thought I almost died in there, I couldn't feel anything and all I thought my body was ripped off from this giant's tickles. A total nightmare and it happened just by an hour of sleep. Gosh. I still have a lot of weird dreams (and it's getting weirder and weirder, I've dreamed of me being a psycho murderer), but I guess that's all I can write for now. Nightmares were the most amusing thing of sleeping. I like nightmares better than sweet dreams. It feels like you can create something awful with your minds and that's awesome and no one's complaining but you. have a good week!

hunch

okay. i just need to spread the words here. i think i have issues on dreaming. it totally feels like somewhat in a psychic movies. i dream about a certain people and of what happen to him/her. and for couple of weeks, it comes true. the creepiest is when i dream of a dying person. i just don't know what to do. i can't just stop them from dying, right? when i was around 15, i dreamed one of my junior high friends, he was walking steadily and then suddenly he screamed in this nosy pitch tone calling out his name and it freaked the hell out of me, woke me up from sleeping. few weeks later, i got the news that that actual friend was hospitalized, traffic accident (luckily, he's alive, and i just wished him a happy birthday yesterday). fiuh. strangely, when i'm not sleeping, i can hear voices calling out certain names, more like soft whispers. so based on that whispers i contacted every names i heard, and it crept me out. each of names got accidents, though it's not really much of a drama (it's more like they fell out of stairs, or hurt their legs, bleeding badly, sort of), still i'm scared. why i'm having these things? and the last scary thing was, 2 weeks before my friend's dad died, his dad appeared in my dream. he showed me that he's my friend's dad by bringing a frame of family portrait. he told me almost everything about my friend and his brother (but i can't remember clearly). he was wearing a hospital suit, like he's been hospitalized for months. the room where i sat down listening to him was off white. i got scared when i woke up. i knew my friend's dad has been hospitalized for a month. i told mom and she said it's just my worries upon my friend. i couldn't tell him my dream. and that's that, it happened. his dad died two weeks later. this scares me so much. i saw this note somewhere, it says "you only dream of what you know". what do i know about all these teary-weepy-yet-psychic-situations? i know none. and that's why i'm scared. three days ago i dreamed myself got a bullet inside my body, exactly under the ribs. i didn't die, and nobody cared enough to help me in the hospital. even the doctors and nurses said i can't be near the hospital. so i just kept holding my wound until i woke up by my morning alarm. and last night, i dreamed of one of my college friends' mom, she wanted to be with me badly that she wanted her son to marry me. i don't know if that woman is my friend's actual mom, but still, i just can't despise my dreams from turning into reality.

this thought just came across my mind. "have you thought about what you really want in the future?" i had a fight with mom yesterday. my sister always brags that she wants to be a CEO or whatever in a gas company. i can't live like that. there's NO way i can live like that. i think i'm smart enough, and that when i try harder, i can reach my sister's dream. but fuck this. i admit that i dislike studying, in a way that i have to deal with formulas and unsolved problems. genuinely, i love learning things. i'm not that picky, i always make myself useful, learning everything. and IF i have to answer the question, my answer has nothing to do with what i'm studying here right now in college. i want to make and create things. like crafts. i've always been interested in making my own things. it's like magic that my hands make without casting no spell. or if it's not making crafts, then i'll take the chance of being an author. i made myself clear that i, somehow, have to put my overwhelmed imagination on words. hence, i want to write a lot. what makes me sad is that my parents disapprove my wishlist. they say if i wanted to be like that, why did i go to college at the very first time? well, if they realize it, i went to college because of them, driving me. it was like "oh, our daughter has the potential to be an engineer or a scientist in a gas company! she's smart and all, but she has to curb her weird kind of enthusiasm of life, and we must stop her from being an artist!" i don't want to argue, i lost words when i'm in front of them. so, i made a plan. i will finish college. i'm going to be patient for, let's say, 2 years more? and here's the plan: i graduate, give my parents the title i've got (and that i need none of that), and then i'll start doing what i want. i still want to try to be a curator or an art gallery assistant. i want to paint all the blank canvases my parents always keep so i can't paint. i want to go on a trip to sketch and take pictures with all of my cameras. i want to wear softlenses, the thing mom never approves because of her disbelief on my tidiness.

and don't get it wrong. this may sounds like my parents always being bad to me, in spite of all, i love them so much for giving me everything.