future me perfect

i hope that someday the day where i have no worries on my major in college. i want to be in a major of what i can. i don't think life's being hard or sucks or what-so-ever to me, we all know that life's a bitch. it is left to us whether we try to get drown and feel sorry in the future, or we can just turn the other way round. the agony i've felt for 2 years (and now it's entering its third year) is just ripping my mind piece by piece. how i everyday suffer to see those lucky people who can just bring a camera, ipod, some money, a book, and a small journal can survive a week without getting anyone stand out of their ways. i do bring those four favourite objects of mine in my bag (the money aren't counted), but just occasionally. i can't just randomly bring my cameras when there's midterms week. it's better to bring those papers of numbers and words or heavy books than to bring a camera in my bag, it's a matter of surviving. ugh, surviving. lame word. i just want to go to some interesting places, just walk around taking pictures, talking to strangers and listening to their stories, eating ice creams instead of drinking coffees somewhere near a museum. i want that life. i need that life. last year's summer in london was one hell of a leap of faith to me. i remember in high school one of my friends said that i belong to london and when i asked why she answered "i don't know, you just do. i feel like you'll be roaming around in some unknown streets, hopping from pubs to pubs just to watch your favourite bands or probably kasabian showcase somewhere. you just do." and it was nearly true. when i was in london, all i did everyday was walk everywhere. if i got lucky i'll found a fast way to the british museum, or that particular that when the strokes was in camden town and i was a bus away from camden town. i'm not that girlie sweetheart and being alone is an ability that i genuinely like to do. life in london is just too good to be true for me. the morning air of freshly brewed coffees mixed by the smell of cigarettes, plus the wet street of dew. i'm not exaggerating. some people prefer new york is the best city ever. but i don't like that big apple, though sometimes it attracts my eyes so much by how many films were shot around there. for me, london is just a perfect city where i can pretend i'm a girl in a not-so-popular indie band or that-particular-but-not-popular artist. money doesn't matter much. long as i can 'feed' my cameras and buy books or music albums, i'll be just fine. i'm not into shopping, specifically clothes. if it's under the word 'fashion', i'd rather spend my money on those drooling shoes (yeah, i love shoes, blame ferragamo and loubutin, and YSL and jimmie choo and.--okay, that's enough) rather that some ugly tees which is very usual (like you can have it for waaay cheaper price) that worth a month's pocket money. that reminds me of my mom who loves shopping so much i can never define a proper word. she has closets full of clothes and bags (but thanks to her i don't need to go shopping bags, hers are all cute --and she has three colours of balenciaga *screams silently*). to mom, london is just oxford streets. she went there like everyday (believe me i'm not lying). she wanted to shop everyday so i couldn't get a proper time to look down every alleys and streets, and one more thing, she's a paranoid. i was excited when we got lost walking and got in china town. my eyes were busy wandering around but she's nagging me to go as fast as we could. and that answers to why i didn't explore much (plus the fact that i caught a flu for two days --embarrassing, i know). what makes me still want to survive is that somehow i get a picture of me living in a life that totally waaay different from my current life. i get a picture of me bringing those four favourite objects with burden-free. picture above really near to what i've been wanting all along, just replace that fisheye 2 with my yashica, add my precious ipod, a hand sanitizer, a book to read, and voila, a small joy! i get a picture of me doing fun and useful things. i get a picture of me living in london one day, either for another college or work, not really sure, i just get a small shock of happiness by picturing it.

one day. me, four favourite objects, and london.

one day. burden-free.

one day.

judge a book by its cover

judge IF and ONLY IF the book is twilight or some cheap crosswords with girls on the covers or those books that has lines like "create your own money by blabla trump" or "stay healthy with oprah". if other than those terms, don't be hesitant not to judge before you read it. this apply to people. i dislike how people judge others. as a matter of fact, i dislike how people actually judge me. it's like, none of their business, though. i deal with my own life and so do they. probably they don't even know that i used to live in the middle of the rainforest, with rattle snakes under my house, alligators in the river, wolves that wander every night, and orangutans that just love to steal things from people. they don't even know that i used to be a total bully that i may have stabbed your eyes for saying bad things on me. people tend to gossip a lot these days and i wonder if it's even healthy. i prefer to watch those nonsensical videos of annoying orange than to hear what people say about other people. but i'm a girl, i know i can't just walk away from these irrational-yet-fun talks. i listen to it sometimes, just a few. curiosity kills, ain't it? it's only fun if it's turned out to be true, but no fun (at all) if it's called judging. i don't know the reason why people mind other people's businesses, it feels like they're throwing tomatoes on my wall, trying to make it looks ugly. even worse, some people become such smartypants (i like them being called 'pain in the ass' better), they judge the way i see people, specifically guys. they think i'm those rags-to-riches girls that i only like guys with X genes and rich bloods (unless it's james franco). i don't even see how do they appeal on girls. as i said before, i like seeing pretty girls better than seeing cute guys, so cuteness doesn't even matter to me. and those money, they didn't earn it, it's their parents' money. oh yes, life's a crap, then what? you better start to find a better reason of why should i like those type of guys. i don't even have any particular type. if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. i am this peculiar and you people should know that. don't try to judge people, you don't know things they have faced before they meet your very own two eyes.

like i said, only judge if it's twilight, or something that looks like it.

or if they're scriptures, you shall not doubt it. amen.


fuck.

10 years time

i just happened to be listening to noah and the whale all day long yesterday, accompanying my ears studying for this horrid exam (though when you check my last.fm it'd be kasabian that played all day yesterday, i didn't turn off the laptop and 'cheated' with my ipod, so...). so, this particular song titled '5 years time' (it's a favourite, believe me) came into shuffle and that made me kind of wondering what's my future like. well 5 years will go really fast, so i'll just multiply it into 10 years. it is not what i'll be, but more like 'what i want my future like'. so, here goes the list of my future wants in 10 years time ahead.

1. graduate from college, in a good way, i just care getting my degree (for my parents only) though i'm not that interested with the major, really.
2. work in a museum as a curator or whatever, i just want to see sculptures and paintings everyday.
3. get married and have a son. and live in somewhere in europe. (if it's '15 years time' i'll add 'a son and twins daughters', please let there be twins)
4. this is not much, but my blogs will be popular. like my tumblr followers reach 3,000 followers or such, and my blogspot reaches, i don't know, like a lot followers. but supposedly, i don't really care much if i have a lot of followers or whatever, if there're people who reads and visits my blogs, i'll die happily.
5. travel europe, in a minimum way (stuffs and costs), with a perfect partner in crime.
6. create my own shop of printed tees.
7. write books, two at least, five at most. i guess i'll finish my current writings when a ship called 'holiday' comes into my 'harbour of desperately-need-to-graduate-college'. it usually comes within summer breaks.
8. cook a lot of kinds of foods. not just main courses, i want to bake cakes!
9. paint. i will paint as much as i have time to paint. with no worries of exams and GPAs to impress parents.
10. i know i'm appeared to hate college, but deep down i want to take post-graduate degree though i'm not sure what major it's going to be.
11. have a lot of picnic trips to lakes, beaches, grassfields, any fields, to have quality times with my cameras. and in the future i will do this weekly, so that i can upload something into my flickr.
12. go to ikea monthly.
13. design my own house.
14. ice skates once a week cause skating is the only sport i'm good at.
15. be a good swimmer.

and i bet the list is still going on and on and on....

beyoncé

recently i'm getting slightly obsessed with this diva. not in a weird way, it's just, she's too cool to be true. i mean, she's got the body, the skin, the voice, the hair, and mostly the dance moves. i'm learning her dance moves since few weeks ago (pretty much an exhausting thing to do) and my current project is the 'run the world' dance moves. speaking of which, i just listened to her new album '4' and turns out that the photoshoot for the album is beautiful. here's a few that i love.